Preface, a short but important.
Numbering of the chapters in all the ... Dr.. and m. n. , Hereinafter referred to as.
But this book is very different from other IT - oriented shnik works, because it really IT shnaya - she had a beta version, which was ill- public beta testing, and now available as release candidate. An important distinction between a release candidate beta is the presence of the 0-th chapter, which serves as an installer and puts all the participants of the story to the appropriate starting position.
Some features in this release have been removed because of excessive and unnecessary complexity of the revolutionary ( not like beta testers ), and some added. Not everyone will like them, it's obvious, but what if you do shake the fingers on the keyboard? .
In general, I am inclined to consider release of a much more balanced and interesting, but the judge, of course, you, dear readers.
Oh, and the second qualitative difference in this book from any IT shnoy literature is its undeniable truth - in terms of truth, this book surpasses even the tender documents on the system, ...
All the characters in this book are absolutely real, and the events described as accurately as possible to do without risking the wrath of the powerful and overly offend members of this history - because for them it is life, not entertaining reading.
So, let's start.
Chapter 0. Installation.
Dream about the ... The train, which pushed. Yabloko and the killer penguin. People in jackets. Baturokkoko. our elevator. Dancing with the badge. The evolution of open space. Peter Vnukov. Unanswered Questions. Our island of stability. Finger against the fan. Zoo named after Ada Lovelace. show hamsters. Plans for the weekend. incomplete ass. Coffee after 3.
That night I dreamed a strange picture of the. The dream was vivid, colorful and very detailed. I dreamed that I stood in one night on a railway platform at a station where the lost is not known. A full moon, clouds of thick white mist, and it was very cool, I'm all chilled. Somewhere far away a long, whistling train, judging by the sound, gradually approaching the station. I looked around and saw a blue right above the station sign with white letters: ... The inscription was shabby and caused a strong desire to remain in the old life, if any, opportunity will.
Meanwhile, the train slowly approached, and, judging by the deafening sound of the whistle, it was already quite close. Indeed, the fog lifted, and seemed - no, not diesel or electric. Seemed very ordinary car, with no trace of cab. Well, probably, the locomotive behind, these cars are pushing, not pulling, I figured.
Meanwhile the train came closer and I was able to consider that the first car out there is quite an unusual. It was not a compartment, cargo wagon or a soft, what we used to see on the railways in abundance, rather, I would say that it was an old, or a stylized antique car. Fine railing surrounded the car, the windows were framed with beautiful carvings, and the windows shone a bright light. When the train began to pass by me, I saw that in there something like a large, brightly lit hall, where there were only 2 rows of plush seats, which, lounging with drinks in their hands, there were people. The nearest of them ate a huge juicy apple, a delicious and appetizing in appearance, which in my stomach just a desire to eat something, and I nervously swallowed saliva formed.
At this point, all the inhabitants of luxury seats, and especially this one with an apple, he suddenly looked at me. I stood in the dark and brightly lit from the car it was impossible to see me, but they somehow saw me and was carried out as it seemed to me extremely contemptuous views.
The man with the apple, he suddenly stood up, opened the window and hurled with force bitten apple on the platform, so I had to quickly step aside so that it does not hit on me.
The second car was much easier. There's already stood more seats, which were well-dressed people, nervously glancing at each other. Seeing me, they immediately jumped to their feet and rushed to the windows, waving invitingly have me behind the glass, and dragged back those at the windows, back, and started to do some yelling and waving his arms even more. I'm just in case, went away.
The third car was even more unusual. First, it was considerably longer than the previous ones (about the length of the chassis are for the long 120- vat tank, if anyone saw ), and secondly, it was divided into two parts. In the first part were firmly instructed the bench, which is very close, right shoulder to shoulder, people were sitting. They were very focused and energetic in his movements, and if anyone got lost in the rhythm, the manager deftly gave his charge schelban why he immediately corrected and began to play the pipe with renewed vigor.
The second part of the car constituted an open platform on which a huge bald man in a black mask covering the eyes, and with an ax in his hand chasing penguins. Yes, a crowd of penguins running around on the platform. Loud verescha and flapping their wings, they are waddling, running away from this monster with an ax, and he leaped and tossed about, his hands spread wide. Finally he managed to grab some pretty fat, and therefore less orderly penguin 's neck. Seeing me, bald penguin, and raised the ax high above his head and waved them shouted to me, sharing the words ... The car was over and hid from me later events, but judging by the loud cries of penguin, there was something bad (but what good can be expected from a man in a mask with an ax?).
The last car represented the very kind of a dirty van, packed with men in jackets and quilted jackets, which are hung from the car so that he almost fell.
When they saw me they yelled and zagaldeli in different ways, shouting to each other, ...
I shied further away from the platform line that the criminals.
Meanwhile, the train has ended, and the locomotive, locomotive or other engine was not found. There was a strong whistle, the train began to add the course, and soon entirely disappeared in the fog.
The full prostration, I stood on the cold wind blowing the platform, looking after a strange composition, when someone touched my shoulder and gently asked: ...
I jumped up in horror and - wake up. My wife looked at me puzzled, holding a blanket and asked, ... Indeed, compared with its warm palm, my leg was just ice.
I sat on the bed and shook his head. His wife twittered something about my mom and m. Dr.. Why just tripped a filter noise, and I switched to the real world. I looked at my watch - it was time to get up and go to work. I went to the bathroom and then took up the morning coffee, slowly regaining consciousness from a strange dream.
After coffee I went to work. Our office is located at Prospekt Mira - if you go to the center, on the right side between the ENEA and Alexis will be a huge Stalinist building, located away from roads than the rest of the house. So, our office is not there. Our is located directly behind this building, we can say in his backyard. Evidently, some savvy people are struck permission to ...
Business Centre was built in the classic style of the 2000s that the descendants, perhaps, be called ...
Thank God that in this business center has been built at least an underground parking lot, which I had (again thank god ) had their own place. I barely squeezed between the number of trucks that were around our building, filed a pass down the ramp into the basement, and finally put his Mini Cooper at the usual place.
Climbing the stairs to the lobby (I always raise out of the basement stairs, long walks benefit has not been canceled ), I saw a neat businesslike movers in overalls continually drove to the cargo lift trucks, which were piled up numerous boxes with the words Dell and HP.
Ironically, despite the early hour, in the elevator was a cloud of people. Judging by the badge and the familiar faces, almost all had our. Near squeezed Ruslan familiar programmer from the implementation of.
Although our firm has grown strongly over the past few years, it is not the whole building, but only the top six floors of the 10. Who occupies the lower three floors, I was never interested in particular, we have something to do with them, especially not overlap, and even the parking lots were different. But I always had the feeling that there is much less than men.
At the 3rd floor of the elevator stopped, painfully slowly opened the door and fired two ... Brake lift I have never seen. The impression is that it is specifically designed to induce maximal stimulation of the passengers. The faces of his colleagues was read the same quiet melancholy and ill- concealed hatred of the firm of Otis.
Well, finally released my elevator and Ruslan, on our own 4th floor, the rest have gone further. Coming out of the elevator, I saw a sight that I was simply fascinated - a girl with a pretty good forms of dance performed with a badge. We Ruslan turned to each other and both have a silent ... Ruslan immediately pulled the communicator, and we had cleverly pretended as if studying something important and terribly busy in this business. In fact, we are staring in the mirror opposite to the suffering girl, vainly awaiting aid.
For the uninitiated - dance with the badge occurs when someone like this girl, takes both hands on the package, a pack of books or CDs, and the badge, unlocking the door to our office, attached to a belt or, better yet, hanging on his chest. Dancing with the sixth, belly dancing - all this can not be compared with the dance with the badge, and even in a short skirt.
Finally, she bent over in a very non-trivial movement, which forced us to raise eyebrows and more rounded silent ...
Mood rose strongly. Ruslan turned to the left (by the way, followed by a lovely dancer ) and I went to the right, in our closet.
Cyril, as the head of our department, a veteran of the company, which has managed to catch two previous office was a great experience in creating user-friendly workplaces, and therefore owned by one of the most convenient iron maidens in the office. I came into office two years ago with a small, fell at his command, and once caught in a closet, where Sergei was still sitting, our chief expert in data bases.
Little room was conveniently separated from the rest of the office of the mountain of boxes with the most important archives, which are not subject to release during a minimum of 3 years, and at the same time have access to the windows, so we enjoyed the natural light, which caused jealousy and intrigue the rest of his colleagues.
But this morning in a closet Cyril and Sergei was not. Instead, they sat Peter Vnukov. The fact that we have sitting in a closet Pete, I understand from a distance by a loud sound of the song ... ... Everyone knew that Peter was a big fan of the group, perhaps because he was from St. Petersburg....
Going into the closet, I saw that Pete broke up in a chair Cyril and his feet in the shales threw me sidushki. I do not know why, but Peter always went in the shales of the office, and if he was asked why he wears a slate, he replied with a question: ...
Shales, however, was his least strange attribute. In fact, no one knew what he was doing. The name of his positions are constantly changing, and he then appeared, it was absent for weeks, ostensibly on business trips. His immediate manager of the questions ...
For all that Peter enjoyed great prestige among the most senior management, which has always called him ...
I had two assumptions, why Peter has such influence.
In any case, with Petya had to be careful.
Peter turned off when I appeared on his music Nokii (incidentally, it's amazing how well she played the dynamics, just like any stereo system ), looked up at me her round face framed with whiskers, and said:.
- Oh, Alex, it's wonderful that you came!.
Nothing really beautiful, I have not seen, especially since Peter still kept his feet on my chair shales. I sat on a chair and painted by Sergei face number one.
Peter shook the hands of your mobile phone and asked:.
- Alex, if you happy with your job? .
I remembered how I was in the past month to 2 am writing a specification for the tender, which needed only a week, and confirmed with complete certainty that I feel the greatest possible satisfaction from work, but just in case asked:.
- And what we have in the office have an interesting position?.
Peter stared at me with unblinking eyes, rubbed his whiskers and said:.
- Good question. The most important thing, in my opinion, it defined what ...
I felt that wonder dismissed the language of. God knows how it will turn back now. Fortunately, at this point in the closet burst Sergei, as usual upbeat and cheerful.
Rapidly appreciating that the situation is tense, he shouted: ...
Peter frowned, sighed, took off his legs with my chair, got up abruptly and left the closet and said, ...
-What should have been a great master of the ordinary workers Vnukovo mouse and cursor? . - Welcome to the ...
He laughed and hit me in the shoulder.
- He was interested in job satisfaction, - I said. - Well, I did not understand what he meant.
- Well, as usual, - said Sergey.
At this time came Cyril. Tossing the bag on the table, he asked grimly:.
- It's not for us Vnukov went?.
- Yeah, - Sergey has confirmed - probably some nasty again preparing.
- Yesterday at a meeting with General announced his new position - said Kirill. - Now he prokyugrammor in our department. So get ready.
Here we are all gloomy. The fact is that every time Peter got a new position, confusing the other one, have always been a significant adjustment in our office - whole departments disappeared, there were new, the mass of the people fired, more hiring, some people always came from the overseas offices .
Officially it was called the dynamic development and adaptation to market conditions, and unofficially - a fire in a Paris brothel during the German occupation (in the sense that cries of ...
But our branch changes up to this point are not affected, and it remained an island of stability in continuously reorganized the office.
I assumed that there are 2 reasons. The first reason was the fact that we are still doing so, from which grew the office - m. e. develop and implement automation projects, as well as support of existing customers, including many major government agencies, banks and other cool offices, which are just not send ... Simply put, we made clear and sufficient moneymaker.
The second reason was himself Cyril. Not only that, he was among the veteran of the company, which is almost 20 years ago in the basement of the riveting account of the system at the Clipper with built-in ...
That's just one example, recently confirmed his reputation. It was like this - on our floor had brought a hefty production server from Sun, God knows for what purpose, a healthy 8- yunitovuyu fool on wheels. Admins are perched in the middle of his room, turned as if for the purpose of testing and gone away, like smoke.
Whistling Monster, equipped with numerous flashing lights and external fans, with a force of blows air through a piece of iron, immediately attracted the attention of two sales managers and three very nice buhgaltersh.
In the face of women managers have released a hot debate about the safety. The most advanced manager ( who knew that the gap can flip through web pages ) has argued that such a cool device, of course, equipped with safe fans, who will stop immediately if you pinch your finger suddenly clumsy admin -. Another manager politely doubted it, appealing to the sad experience of his brother-in-law, who popped something in there and felt very uncomfortable.
Angered by distrust and heated adoring eyes of the ladies, the manager advanced and said, ... Vzhiknul fan, and a second phalanx flew straight into the forehead and the doubting colleague, leaving an elegant mystic sign, fell to the floor. Colleague stunned rubbed his forehead, and probably totally convinced this argument, immediately fell into a swoon. The ladies screamed in horror and his mouth clamped his hands.
Advanced manager in shock lifted half his finger off the floor and tried to fasten it in place. It's finally finished off the ladies and all three in a row fainted. Then it struck the roof of a martyr, he shouted wildly with his finger at the ready, and ran around the office, constantly yelling.
The first item on his remarkable run was an accountant who at the sight of a little spouting right middle finger and bloody phalanx, gripped in his left hand almost instantly and at full strength was in a swoon on the floor.
The sufferer did not stop running and running around the office, causing general chaos and instilling terror, leaving behind a faint and easily frightened citizens.
Frankly, after hearing the howl, I too much effort to remember a series of 5 different Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but there was a simpler audio series.
But what did Cyril, this iron chelovechische?.
He calmly stood up and walked out of the closet, quickly assessed the situation and met him howling at the oncoming sufferer sharp hook to the jaw, from which he immediately shut up and dropped. Cyril stepped over the real body, calmly walked to the car to make ice cubes in front of astonished witnesses got half a glass cube, back, gently lifted the phalanx, and put into a glass.
When the accident came to life, his stern gaze met Cyril and a glass of vodka, which immediately without any objections, he drank, and again shut down. Ambulance arrived 40 minutes later, drove the poor man to a nearby hospital, where a finger is successfully sewn into place, so that six months later, he even stopped constantly to show ...
That which people I worked, so you can easily imagine why we are sorry to hear about the negative expectations of Cyril.
- Okay, pobarahtaemsya have not seen these - said Kirill. - Let's Arbeit, the work itself will not become.
We began to understand current affairs. As I said, we support many of the old but still important projects, and my duties included, among other things, to conduct an inventory of good. Thank God that some time ago, we launched a four rack servers, which with great virtualization technology have filled almost all the old stuff, where it continued to work, and now I do not have to climb on the server and connect to the console - I drove through a remote desktop to all these good things, .
Of course, there remain a number of projects which have not reached up to hand in terms of virtualization, as well as several projects on the AS/400, which is rumored to have migrated from the old mainframe and moving now to a very wonderful piece of iron brands IBM, which I never had not .
Kirill said that these projects have appeared in our office as a result of some of the mergers, the original developers are gone somewhere in the depths of an overheated labor market, and support hung up on us. Thank God, that was all the support that was necessary to manually tighten up some of the date of correction factors in a number of stored procedures, and a pair of sources,.
You will not believe it, but the value 's in the mega -program coded by two signs, t. e. This was the same problem, in 2000, which ugrohat billions in the late 90. In fact, I thought I was the only one affected by this problem. There were even some exotic things in the old stored procedures DB2, which could only edit Sergey, I do not climb.
Sergei called a collection of old projects ...
Iron things we have worked whole department admins. This department was always without a leader, and indeed was a constant turnover of personnel - administrators came, cheerfully undertook the work, but after a while lose heart. slain by a variety of tasks and types of equipment that must be maintained. Weed out weaklings still on probation, people held stronger a year or two, and only rare spices linger longer.
Some have experienced so much that after working in this mess completely changed the profession - for example, an admin after one and a half years of work to support the accounting department found itself in the circus arts, and with great success touring the country with his show of trained hamsters. They say the command ...
We all piled into the work: customer needs and users, job developers and testers, answers, and other authorities such routine, which is quickly swallowed up during lunch.
At 2:00 we will, as usual, went into the dining room. In the elevator, despite the lunchtime, there was no one. Elevator began to descend, but on the 3rd floor of a sudden stopped and walked Pete. Suddenly - because the third floor, as you recall, did not belong to our office.
Peter carefully examined all of us, then suddenly smiled and said:.
- Here, I decided to go down the stairs op, but the thought and went somewhere in the middle. I think it's wonderful that our instincts will automatically choose the right path, right?.
No one has objected, and Peter turned his back to us. On the back of his blue shirt was a picture of flames with the signature of the person «Drink Different!».
Elevator finally arrived at the ground floor, Pete was out quickly, and we went into the dining room, discussing plans for the weekend.
- My drove off to Cyprus with her friends, - said Sergey - said that all its got, and it should have fun, or all will nail. So I 'll be a cuckoo in the country, maybe a barn will correct.
- A son sent to? .
- He went away, with friends and girlfriends to the country some. Gave him a condom, once again explained that we should have a snack and I'm not ready yet to become a grandfather - Sergei sighed. - Big kids - big bedki.
- I'm in the village, in the wilderness. There's even a cell does not take complete isolation. - Cyril reached - All of my week there already, before the last winter delayed, supplies and exporting crops.
- When going? - Said Sergey - Tonight, in traffic jams?.
- No, - said Kirill - Tomorrow afternoon, have a good sleep.
- And my mother-in to the left, on Monday, come back - I said. - On Saturday, I will drink beer, pizza and watch a new season of Stargate, and on Sunday I will wash dishes, floors, and in every way to prepare for the arrival of.
Yes, for women there is nothing more important to clean the house - agreed with me Sergey and Kirill just shook his head.
Then we started to discuss the nature of women's definitely an alien.
We have a good laugh, something to eat in a relaxed and in anticipation of the upcoming weekend ENDA went back to our little room.
Unfortunately, the way we were in for several surprises. First, the elevators were occupied by a team of movers ever, all of which made any network equipment with the words ...
Second, when we are fairly out of breath (after dinner and a couple of cups of hot black tea is harmful because overwork!), We finally reached the 4th floor, we saw a whole closet of our user group. Headed all OMT officially Olga Tarasova, Deputy Director, Finance, and unofficially - Very Powerful aunt.
Its dimensions are inspired respect, commanding voice demanded unquestioning obedience, and severe temper prevented the establishment of friendly relations. There was only the hope of Cyril, however, Sergei immediately hid behind him and gave him the right to act.
- Cyril, I have a complete ass! .
- Olga, what do you slander yourself, well unless you have a full, God forgive me, asshole? . - Do you have a neat, but a decent figure, which a man versed in women (he did the right eyebrow is subtle movement, leaving no doubt who's is who ) are very attractive. Not to mention the other advantages!.
Olga muttered something about suck-up, but the ice was broken, the clouds, while not gone, but lighter than steel.
It was found that the accountants immediately (right now, more precisely, the day before), needed a report that has not worked well as it should, and m. Dr.. and m. n.
Sergei and I looked at each other, sighed, and went to solve the problem. Unfortunately, support for this very, very tricky part of the accounting department, was part of our responsibilities.
On this report, we were consumed almost 4:00. Park your vehicle in mechanically I drank a cup of coffee, which is already beginning to regret - coffee, drunk in between 15-00 and 18-00, usually led to the fact that my sausage to 3 nights.
Returning to the workplace, and seeing many unopened letters, I realized that working Friday and did not think to end.
0 End of chapter.
